I picked up a peace lilly in the office a while back.  By “pick up”, I actually mean “rescue from being abandoned by everyone since the girl who used to take care of it (barely) just got fired because she picked fights with the really crazy and very vindictive head admin instead of just doing as she was told”.  (Office politics are AWESOME!)  I don’t know why they are called peace lillies, because they are cranky and finicky.  (Perhaps I relate to them.)

Allow me to point out the crankiness, in the form of leaves that turn yellow and die no matter what I do.  Lots of water?  Leaves die.  Not much water?  Leaves die.  No matter what level of light.  I should be singing “Grow For Me” to it.

But, if you’ll look again, perhaps I’m being given a peace offering?  (ha ha ha I is funny)

I tried to get a close up to show the texture of the inside - it looks kind of like a mace - but my camera phone is teh suxor.

On a separate note, here’s a shot of my new orchid along with my old orchid, which I just convinced to bloom.

It’s official - PSB and I are off to Turkey for two weeks!  We leave the day after my birthday.  Actually, I leave the day after my birthday - we’re going to be flying separately, as The Moth will be organizing and running a show in Tajikistan in August (!!!?!?!?) (Mike Daisey is going over as a performer, and the show is apparently going to be a third in English, a third in Russian, and a third in Tajiki), and they will be taking care of her flights.  Exciting!

MUTO a wall-painted animation by BLU from blu on Vimeo.

Via Kid Dynamite.

Apparently, I can’t be the only person this ever traumatized.

And just to make me completely lose my mind, here’s a live action version.

Upon further inspection, it appears that katelynbrooks.com is a website for men with giantess fetishes (although I can’t confirm, as it is blocked here in the office), and this video (and the original cartoon) are turn ons. Why didn’t I end up with a giantess fetish instead?

I found out about a 1/2 NLHE game in the city, and decided on a whim to give it a try.  The contact I was given was a little shady, but eventually I found out where to go and what time to be there.  It ended up being run kind of like a club - they took time every 45 minutes (cheaper than a club) and we were encouraged to tip our dealers.  There was a bar and a full menu as well.  I didn’t recognize anyone from the few times I’d been to the clubs back when they were open, but it seemed like the typical mix of players.

We didn’t actually start playing until 9:30 or so (I was hoping to start earlier since I have work), but we started off with a doozy.  I bought in for $200, limped in with the king and jack of spades from early position (limper in front of me), a few other limpers, and one of the blinds bumps it up $15, gets called before me, and I’m not sure if I should call it or not, but I decide my odds have got to be close with the other caller, and the raise to me felt like “I’m scared to play this so I’m going to bet too big” so I call.  The flop comes down Q of spades, 9 of hearts, 5 of spades, the original raiser bets 50 and the other guy folds.  I think to myself “He’s overbetting so I don’t think he’s that strong, plus, look how many outs I have - any ten, any spade, and maybe a king.”  So I push all in, and he insta-calls, which I was a little surprised about, and flips over AQ, so I need an out, which I immediately hit on the turn with a K, no help on the river for either of us, and I’ve just doubled up.  (I ran the percentages on the flop - I’m winning that hand 54% of the time.)

Believe it or not, I slow down a little after that - won a hand with 88 versus two players when the board helped none of us, had AK cracked by QJ for a small pot (the guy was steaming from an earlier hand where he pushed all in drawing dead), and immediately picked up AK again to win it all back and then some.  At this point more players have arrived, and they need to send someone from our table over to the new table, so we draw for it and I hit the high card - so away I go.

The action at the second table was even more madcap.  We started with two guys who barely knew what they were doing - one of them asked if a straight can “wrap around” - queen, king, ace, two, three.  I should have stayed put to try to get their cash, but I got up for a few minutes and by the time I was back they were wiped out (they hadn’t bought in for very much anyway).  I was ice cold for another hour and a half, at least, cracking jokes with the dealer, as well as with some of the other players, slowly bleeding chips, not playing many hands.  Then, another big hand: I raise with KJ clubs from middle position with no limpers in front of me, and I get called by a very loose cannon - this guy had been making huge plays with very little, so I felt confident that if I hit a piece of the board I would be fine - and one other caller.  The flop came down jack of hearts, 7 of hearts, 4 of clubs.  I bet about two thirds of the pot, he calls, other guy folds (all that other guy did all night was call preflop and fold post).  The turn was an offsuit 2 I think (I can’t remember for sure), I bet two thirds of the pot and the guy pushes on me.  I insta-call and am pretty sure I am still ahead, and I was - he has Q6 hearts, and is looking for his flush, which does not come.  I stack him and now I’m up to 575.  He rebuys, and is steaming that I called him so fast, but the way he had been playing, there was no way I was folding to him.  This is a guy who went all in preflop with pocket twos, lied about having an ace in a different hand when he had pocket tens, I knew he was full of it, and he was.  I was 75% to win on the turn, I’m supposed to lay it down?

The very next hand, I get AK diamonds.  There’s a raise in front of me, I flat call, and the Steamer calls.  Flop is king high, no diamonds, with a straight draw.  Raiser bets 25, I raise to 100, Steamer pushes, raiser folds, I call.  He’s got king six and doesn’t get there.  I stack him again.

The very next hand, I get AK again.  I raise, Steamer calls, two other callers.  Flop comes Ace high, uncoordinated.  Checked to me, I bet out, everyone calls.  The turn is another ace.  Steamer pushes.  I call.  Everyone else folds.  He says “Of course you have the ace!”  He’s drawing completely dead.  I stack him again.

So now I’m up 800 dollars or so, mostly thanks to this one guy who could not get himself to slow the fuck down.  He had to have noticed that I hadn’t played a hand in ages, and I was mucking over and over and over, and joking with the dealer about it, right?  I guess not.

You’re supposed to give a half hour notice when you want to leave, so I call it (it’s already 12:45 or so), but then end up having to re-call it with the game host at 1:20 or so.  No other exciting hands for me, but some other exciting hands at the table - someone boating against a flopped flush with J2 (calling bets and raises with it the whole time), and then giving it back to the same player later on when she rivered a flush on him.  I bleed some chips with AQ off, losing to pocket fives when neither of us hit anything.

I leave that night up $723.

I think I’ll be going to that game again in the near future.  Care to join me?

On 14th between 5th and 6th Aves.

My managers have been out of town all week, so there’s not much for me to do.  Other than have to listen to the fucking horrible irritating beast on the other side of my cube, who this morning had a 45 minute conversation with someone about how she’s going back to grad school and how she’s going to be the oldest person there, and how she can’t transfer her undergraduate credits, and a whole lot of other stuff I managed to ignore while thinking to myself “She’s so dumb I can’t wait until she flunks out”, and “Does she even have an undergraduate degree?  What is it in, excessive throat clearing?”  She also has one of those “Easy” buttons from Staples.  When you press it, it says “That was easy” just like in the commercial.  People like to walk by and press it.  I want to walk by and smash it.  Or at least take the batteries out.  She also has a Newton’s cradle (five suspended steel balls, you pull one back and let it go, and it transfers the energy through the balls to the other end, it goes back and forth that way for a while) that people like to set off, and then walk away, so I have to listen to “clack clack clack clack clack” for a few minutes at a time.  And to top it all off, today she keeps visiting websites that play horribly annoying MIDI versions of “Happy Birthday”, most of them with a callypso beat.

I swear I want to take a baseball bat and smash everything on the other side of my cube.

How are you?

I did get one good thing out of Administrative Professionals Week.  One of my team members always sends me a box of goodies.  This year, it was a little more exciting.

A lovely three tiers of tasty goodness.

Let’s start with the top, shall we?

I am using the crappy camera on my cell phone to take these, so you can’t read what they say - “Chocolate Pretzel Cluster”.  NICE!!!!!!!

It’s going to be hard to top the first box, but let’s see what’s in the middle.

Not too shabby.

And now, for the big box at the bottom - more brownies?  More cookies?  Entirely filled with chocolate pretzel clusters?  (OMG that would be awesome)

Excellent!!!

This goes really well with the two boxes of Thin Mints I have in my drawer.  Well, at this point, it’s a box and a half.

I think I need to start going to the gym again.

Our magical week is coming to a close.  I usually get depressed this week no matter what, but this year has been worse.  I’m feeling even more trapped than usual.  The golden handcuffs are tight, and chafing.  Not nearly as chafing as the horrible woman on the other side of my cube, talking as loudly as possible through her nose to some manager about all the upscale restaurants she goes to, and how she really wants to sleep with Jake Gyllenhaal, but Reese Witherspoon beat her to it.  I can’t imagine why anyone would EVER want to sleep with this woman.  She is average at best, and as soon as she opens her mouth people should run away, from both the sound of her voice and the stupidity of her conversation.  It’s a real pleasure sitting next to another Master of the Inane, now with kung fu grip (on my slowly shattering psyche).

My two managers gave me an orchid this year.  It’s very pretty.  And my other orchid, that I rescued from someone, is about to bloom.  I will take a picture of it when it does, and post it for your viewing pleasure.